My first STD was from a foam party
this just has baby written all over it
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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