i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
