I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I will pee on everything he values.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
