If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
