is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
