forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
