you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
