she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
