Sry I called you an 8
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
