soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
