I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
