I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
