i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
