Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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