yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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