We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
