just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
