Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
