goodnight i made you a song goodbye
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
