Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
