i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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