i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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