My hand turned me down
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
