I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
