Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
