She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
