Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
