I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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