When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I have post one night stand depression
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
