How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Randomize
