and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
