I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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