Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
