i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize