enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
