yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
