No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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