a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
