apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
