and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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