im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
