That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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