am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize