I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
