Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
