R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
