I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
