There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
