I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
