Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
